I Want Dazzling Movie Star Chompers
I remember my family always being very brand-conscious, a trait that has perhaps mutated in me as materialism, but which, as a child, was drilled into me as a means of understanding the correlation between price and quality. I think you non-materialistic people call this "value." I call it "rockin' the good sh*t."
There were two grocery stores in the general vicinity of my childhood home, Acme and Kings. Acme was all right, but Kings was kinda hoity-toity. I remember very distinctly my mother telling me, as we meandered through the aisles of Kings, that I should select items under the White Rose label, which was the Kings house brand. At Acme, we always bought the nationally recognized brand names, and I always figured it was because Kings sold the recognized brands at a much higher price.
Then, one day, at Kings, my mom sent me a few aisles over to grab toothpaste. This was before the days of every kind of sensitive-tooth, baking-soda, sparkly-tongue, whitening product filling up the shelves, so I grabbed the White Rose toothpaste, which came in a boring, white roll-up tube. My mom sent me back for a tube of Crest, and when I asked why, she said, "Crest is reliable. You don't have to worry about paying for packaging or a ton of advertising, and the quality is better than most brands."
I remember absorbing that very deeply, turning over and over the idea of price being affected by packaging and advertising, the notion that brands were comparative on several levels, and then we went through the check-out line and went home. I probably got some LifeSavers, too, just 'cause I usually did.
Anyway, I've noticed recently that Crest has totally stepped up its game. The whitening strips in and of themselves seem to have revolutionized cosmetic dentistry. I bought last week the Whitestrips Platinum, which is the newest product in the line. They are fabulous! Fabulous! I know it seems stupid to spend thirty-five bucks on tooth stickers, but the effect is pretty awesome.
Then, in addition to this, I recently grabbed Mark a new toothbrush after noticing his was looking pretty unhygenic. I got him - and I already know how this is gonna sound - a supersexy one. The stick part is black and molded with an in-your-face, ergonomic thumb pad. The back of the head has an inlaid cobra pattern in a bold ocean blue, and the bristles alternate black, ocean blue, and white in a spiky gum-cleaning pattern. It is a hot toothbrush.
I didn't even bother to check the brand on it, but then last night, as I was applying whitening sticker set two, I noticed suddenly that we have all these mega-hip dental products, and they're all Crest! All of them! Even the toothpaste, which is the unbearably tingly Vivid White, a name that sends me into paroxysms of happiness.
I guess my mom was right. Crest is pretty reliable, and packaging does make a huge difference, which seems like a ridiculous point, and a long-winded way of making it, but I was fairly astonished.
There were two grocery stores in the general vicinity of my childhood home, Acme and Kings. Acme was all right, but Kings was kinda hoity-toity. I remember very distinctly my mother telling me, as we meandered through the aisles of Kings, that I should select items under the White Rose label, which was the Kings house brand. At Acme, we always bought the nationally recognized brand names, and I always figured it was because Kings sold the recognized brands at a much higher price.
Then, one day, at Kings, my mom sent me a few aisles over to grab toothpaste. This was before the days of every kind of sensitive-tooth, baking-soda, sparkly-tongue, whitening product filling up the shelves, so I grabbed the White Rose toothpaste, which came in a boring, white roll-up tube. My mom sent me back for a tube of Crest, and when I asked why, she said, "Crest is reliable. You don't have to worry about paying for packaging or a ton of advertising, and the quality is better than most brands."
I remember absorbing that very deeply, turning over and over the idea of price being affected by packaging and advertising, the notion that brands were comparative on several levels, and then we went through the check-out line and went home. I probably got some LifeSavers, too, just 'cause I usually did.
Anyway, I've noticed recently that Crest has totally stepped up its game. The whitening strips in and of themselves seem to have revolutionized cosmetic dentistry. I bought last week the Whitestrips Platinum, which is the newest product in the line. They are fabulous! Fabulous! I know it seems stupid to spend thirty-five bucks on tooth stickers, but the effect is pretty awesome.
Then, in addition to this, I recently grabbed Mark a new toothbrush after noticing his was looking pretty unhygenic. I got him - and I already know how this is gonna sound - a supersexy one. The stick part is black and molded with an in-your-face, ergonomic thumb pad. The back of the head has an inlaid cobra pattern in a bold ocean blue, and the bristles alternate black, ocean blue, and white in a spiky gum-cleaning pattern. It is a hot toothbrush.
I didn't even bother to check the brand on it, but then last night, as I was applying whitening sticker set two, I noticed suddenly that we have all these mega-hip dental products, and they're all Crest! All of them! Even the toothpaste, which is the unbearably tingly Vivid White, a name that sends me into paroxysms of happiness.
I guess my mom was right. Crest is pretty reliable, and packaging does make a huge difference, which seems like a ridiculous point, and a long-winded way of making it, but I was fairly astonished.
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